Poeme : When I Stopped Hating Him. .

I’m letting it sink in. .
Letting my heart resting…
From the efforts he’s being making
To stand strong to what’s happening…

The crisis is gone
I can think on my own
Without my heart crushing
And my senses messing out with me…

Soon I will go through his absence.
And I put up no more resistance,
Against the reality
That I can clearly see…

He is gone and I am still here,
And that’s the end of the story !
We’ve put up hopes, encountered fear,
And we end up destroying the army…

I felt the pain he causes was strong enough to kill me
I realized my love for him is poisonous
That I have to dig myself out of this mess
Before I am going back to be weak and self defenseless…

I am aware that this is going to affect my life,
I was optimistic coz his company even virtually
Was better than the cuts made his knife
All over my heart… all over my body…

And for this very moment
I stopped hating him for abandoning me
And it aches to love him
Knowing I won’t feel his warm hands, again, arround my body…

iεm lεtiŋ it sɛ̃k ɛ̃.
lεtiŋ mi əaʁ ʁεstiŋ…
fʁɔm tə efɔʁz- əεs bɛ̃ɡ makiŋ
to stɑ̃d stʁɔ̃ɡ to watεs-apəniŋ…

tə kʁiziz- is ɡɔnə
i kɑ̃ tɛ̃k ɔ̃ mi ɔwn
witu mi əaʁ kʁyʃiŋ
ɑ̃d mi sɑ̃sə mesiŋ u wit mə…

sun i wij ɡo tʁuɡ is absɑ̃sə.
ɑ̃d i pyt yp no mɔʁə ʁəsistɑ̃sə,
aɡɛ̃st tə ʁəaliti
ta i kɑ̃ kləaʁli si…

ə is ɡɔnə ɑ̃d i am stij əʁə,
ɑ̃d tatεs tə εnd ɔf tə stɔʁi !
wəvə pyt yp ɔpə, ɑ̃kuntəʁεd fəaʁ,
ɑ̃d wə εnd yp dεstʁwajiŋ tə aʁmi…

i fεlt tə pɛ̃ ə kozə was stʁɔ̃ɡ ɑ̃nuɡ to kij mə
i ʁəalizεd mi lɔvə fɔʁ im is pwazonus
ta i-avə to diɡ mizεlf u ɔf ti mεs
bəfɔʁə i am ɡuiŋ bak to bə wəak ɑ̃d sεlf dəfɑ̃səlεs…

i am awaʁə ta tiz- is ɡuiŋ to afεkt mi lifə,
i was ɔptimistik koz is kɔ̃pani əvɛ̃ viʁtɥali
was bεte tɑ̃ tə kyt madə is knifə
al ɔve mi əaʁ… al ɔve mi bɔdi…

ɑ̃d fɔʁ ti vəʁi mɔmɑ̃
i stɔpεd-atiŋ im fɔʁ abɑ̃dɔniŋ mə
ɑ̃d it aʃə to lɔvə im
knɔwiŋ i wɔnte fil is waʁm-ɑ̃, aɡɛ̃, aʁund mi bɔdi…