Prose:Diary

I realize all I have been building with him just collapsed without taking any permission from me, it collapsed all over my heart, just in front of my eyes, without asking me before using my heart as a battlefield, without asking me my opinion about what are I want or I do not. It just collapsed. In a second everything changed, everything went from white to black, and I see nothing good in what’s going on in my life. How did I end up being who I am now, I don’t recognize myself nor my actions or my words, I don’t know how I end up thinking the way I think, I don’t remember how I started thinking wrong. This love just poisoned not even my heart, or my brain but even my oxygen. I can’t breathe right because I don’t want to breathe, I don’t want to be me anymore. I don’t get to be somebody else because it’s hard to build somebody else out of who you really are, it won’t happen and even if it does, it won’t work, I will never be a better person. life is hard on me… 21years old, and 21 years I wish I didn’t have as I wish it didn’t happen all of this birthdays, I wish I didn’t have one special day to remind me how hard life is on me. I make mistakes, I’m human and I regret to be human with all these feelings I hate I had ever felt one day. I am not the kind of person who has to feel something because every time I feel something good, something bad follows sooner or later. That’s life, it sucks. Nothing is good about being born. Seriously, what’s good about being alive ? All our life is about finding someone who could really love us, someone who would care if we’re hurt, and someone who would make us feel better if we’re feeling alone, someone who would care…